5 Days to Go

Tomorrow we leave for China.  Monday I meet my daughter.  Tonight I doubt I'll sleep.  

It's not just the suspicion that I've failed to pack enough underwear that will keep me awake tonight.  I spent most of my college years turning them inside out to get another day out of them, so I'm sure if I try I can make a few pairs of boxers last on this trip.  

It's not just worrying about leaving behind my 17 year old dog.  I am worried about her, but I know she is in the best possible hands.  I will miss her, but Augie will be fine.  Thank you Karen.

It's not just that I hate traveling, and tomorrow I have to be on a plane for nearly 20 hours.  It's not just that I don't like crowds and I'm heading to the most populace country on earth.  It's not just my concern about the language barrier or squatty potties (please feel free to google squatty potties and then utter a quick prayer for my gastrointestinal system).

Tonight I am thinking about all of those things.  But what will keep me awake is the excitement about the amazing turn my life is about to take, and the fear of screwing it up.  

Don't get me wrong - I'm probably as prepared as I can be.  I've read lots of books.  I've spent hours online reading other families' accounts of their adoptions.  I've talked to friends and family, and tried to learn enough Mandarin to be comforting to a beautiful, shy, three year old girl who will certainly be more scared than me.  

But there are so many things I don't even know that I don't know.  And I'm a worrier, so here we are.

I don't suppose I could ever be prepared enough to sleep well on a night like this.  Although with the help of modern pharmaceuticals I plan to try.  

5 days to go.